Any decent recipe will tell you things like the ingredients you will need, the temperature the oven needs to be warmed to, and the preparation and cooking time required for the dish. But the one thing they never tell you in cookbooks is the amount of recovery time you’ll need after you’ve finished your grand oeuvre. I find that this is the most vital statistic in any culinary undertaking, because you definitely should know how long you’re going to be flat on your back after you’ve finished making a simple omelet, a quick pasta dinner, or a grand Japanese meal for your husband’s boss and colleagues (answer: 0-5 minutes; 15-30 minutes, and 2-24 hours, depending on your proficiency as a cook).
      It is another unspoken law of cooking that the more complicated and difficult the dish, the less likely you will want to eat it after you’re done, and the more likely you are to turn into Hannibal Lecter and cook and eat your own family members if they do not appreciate what you’ve created. When your family members tell you, “Wow, that was the best biryani/Bombay Duck/sushi I’ve EVER TASTED – you should cook all the time!” don’t fall for this trick. By appealing to your feminine ego, your family members will have you trapped in the kitchen until you have aged beyond all recognition.
      Here is yet another scene from my cooking diary that took place recently. The moral of the story is: think twice before you ask for a dinner invitation to my house. Next>