You don’t have to restrain yourself with the servants; you can throw pots and pans at them if you want, and if you already do that, then you can just go out of the house all day and refuse to give them any instruction whatsoever, then come back home and scold them mercilessly for not listening to you.

Need more ideas? If you’re a teacher, tell all the children that they’re the worst class you’ve ever seen with no exceptions. If you work in an office, you can tell your boss you can’t do that project today – in fact tell him you can’t come into the office at all because you have an appointment with your gynecologist that will last all day, then offer to go into a blow-by-blow account of the details of your exact physical condition till the boss begs for mercy. Then blow off work and go and get a facial and blow dry and don’t tip the assistant. Eat everything first at the dinner table and don’t leave anything for others. Tell your mother in law that she’s so intrusive and irritating, it feels like she’s your husband’s first wife and you’re just the inferior mistress. Don’t return your friends’ phone calls. Don’t offer to bake something for the kitty party. Be late with your committee payment even though you were the lucky one who got it last month.

You will be astonished at how liberating being a she-devil for one day actually feels. The difference is that on National Witch Day, there are no strings attached. Nobody will hold you accountable for all the little (and big) destructive things that you do on this day. <Previous     Next>