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One night I was watching television
and thought I had stumbled onto a horror movie, but
it was only an episode of “Extreme Makeovers”,
where really ugly people get plastic surgery done on
at least three major body parts in order to change their
lives forever. I’m not sure which is more humiliating:
is it (a) getting yourself evaluated by a plastic surgeon
who will tell you exactly what’s wrong with your
body, starting from your bad forehead to your huge nose
to your weak chin to your insignificant cleavage to
your saddlebags and large stomach, or (b) lying in pain
after the surgery, moaning like a captive zoo animal
and unable to eat anything unless it can be sucked up
through a straw?
If surgery and dieting are beginning
to look a little less attractive, you can always opt
for a little old-fashioned exercise. Gyms are all the
rage these days, from the twenty-rupee an hour option
in almost every shopping area, to the twenty-lakh a
year membership to an exclusive club in order to sweat
and strain in front of all the other club members (strangely
enough, you wouldn’t wear anything less than a
designer outfit in front of those club members on all
occasions, but you’re willing to expose every
unsightly part of your body to them in the gym when
you’re working out). If you want to get thin for
free, go to one of Karachi’s many parks and walk
for at least half an hour every day, which is guaranteed
to get you into shape within a month. You’ll also
have plenty of exercise punching out all the men who
stare at you through the gates of the park, which should
tone up your arms very nicely.
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